Nobody Gives A Damn About Someone Who Doesn't Exist.

I quietly walk threw the hall with my head down trying not to raise any attention to myself. My hair covers my face and I do not smile; I am scared. Scared of people and this place. I go to the corner table of the lunchroom and I eat my lunch. All I can force down are a few crackers before I feel nauseous. The room starts to get crowded and I start to panic. I am getting clammy and hot and I’m breathing heavily. The football guys come and sit down next to me, mocking and laughing at me because they know that I will leave. I get up quickly and I got to the bathroom. I start to hyperventilate and I throw up. My head is pounding and I can’t think straight. Nothing makes sense and it’s so hot. My body is on fire and I don’t know what to do. My breathing slows a fraction, but the late bell rings and it’s right back up there. It’s going a million miles a minute.
I reach inside my backpack for my painkillers. I don’t know why I bought them this morning but at that very moment I knew exactly what to do with them. I opened the childproof lock with ease and proceeded to take the pills. One at a time then two at a time taking a sip of water after each. The bottle continues and, for once in my life I feel full but I am determined. The last one, I hold it in my hand and think, not about anything in particular. I’m just more aware of my surroundings. I start to panic again thinking about being found and “saved” but then I calm myself again knowing that nobody gives a damn about me and if they were smart they would leave me. My knees then collapsed and I sit there on the floor silent, eyes heavy. I smile as the pain slowly goes away being replaced by this strange numbness. I feel I cant keep it balanced any longer so I lay my head down on the cool tile floor. I feel like I’m in water floating away from reality and sooner or later I don’t feel anything and sooner or later I am dead.